Homesick

Just something I need to get out. I often feel I don't have anyone to talk to about the important things so I figured I would pour my heart out here....

The past couple of months have been hard ones. I've had quite a few visitors from back home including my mom who I've missed the most since I've been out here. Watching her leave to go back to CT was so difficult and since then I keep thinking about home. I miss the fall and the friends and my family. I know if I were to go back, I would just want to leave again. There are so many reasons I can think of not to leave CO: having to find a new job, leaving school that I just started, losing my dog Sierra, and especially losing Rick who I know would never move back to CT.

What makes it even harder to be away from home is that I hate my job and the only good thing about it and the main reason I stay is the good pay, good benefits, and the flexibility I have here. Other than the perks, I hate what I do and dread getting up every morning for work. I'm cranky all the time. Rick is in the same boat - he hates his job and the only reason he keeps it is because he needs the income. So he too is cranky all the time. I feel like we don't enjoy one another's company since we both have such bad attitudes about everything.

I just keep thinking about the future and if this is how its always going to be. I don't want to be miserable the rest of my life, but I felt the same way back home as well. What if we get married, have kids, and stay cranky. We both won't be happy and we won't be close to family so our children won't have a strong connection to them. I know I may be jumping the gun here, but its something I think about often...I'm kind of at a loss right now and feel lonely and confused.

I love Colorado and I love Rick, but I have doubts. Is this normal? I've been asking myself that lately.

I'm hoping that it is just a tad of homesickness and that it will soon pass after the holidays.

Casting & Blasting

With Ricky gone this past weekend fishing in Maine, I searched around for something to occupy my time other than being a couch potato and spending money I don't have at the mall.

A co-worker recently told me about classes/seminars that the CO Dept. of Wildlife puts on - many of which are free or only cost a small fee. I decided to sign-up for their newsletter. Looking through the email I saw that they were having a women's only class for fishing and shooting when Rick was to be gone. I figured it would be a good way to get out there and brush-up on some of my skills without looking like a idiot in front of the experienced guys we usually go with.

So, for $15 (which was for breakfast and lunch - the rest of the class was free) I spent a whole day in Silverthorne improving my fly fishing casts and learning how to shoot a shotgun! Now, I've fly fished before, but my presentation was crummy. I learned a lot and it was great to get the one on one help from the *cute* DOW ranger. :) I even hooked my first trout with a fly rod! Unfortunately, he didn't stay hooked for long and got away.

Later in the day, we headed towards Kremmling to a private range where I nervously shot my first firearm. Before Saturday the only gun I have ever shot was a water gun! We learned basic gun safety and headed out to the range. I took a deep breath, chambered my shell, and braced myself for the recoil - which actually wasn't as bad as I was expecting although I was sore the next day. I was able to hit 2 out of 3 stationary clay targets, but didn't hit any of the moving clay pigeons. I am so proud of myself for overcoming my nervousness! I'm glad I did because it was a blast (pun intended) and I would definitely do it again!

Maybe its time I get my conceal/carry permit and my own girly pistol... :)

I'm back...

Here is my first post in my new resolution to blog more. I don't really care who reads, but I think I need an avenue in which to vent and free up all the crazy thoughts that are bottled up in my head - whether they make sense or not...

So, here's an update from the last time I posted (June of 2008!!!):

Well we survived our first year in Colorado and spent time exploring the state, playing outdoors, and training our dog, Sierra. We've met some pretty cool people out here, some of who have become really good friends. I still feel like we need to meet more people, though. I still think that for myself, personally, I need to find more people I am comfortable with and can spend time with. I find myself home, alone, with nothing to do many weekends wishing I was spending time and having fun with other people, joining them in whatever activities they are doing.

After spending a year in our 3rd floor apartment, we decided it would be best to get a house so we moved just last month into a small 2 bedroom house a little closer to Denver. We are still renting, but being able to give Sierra a backyard to play in and also having a place to ourselves without being connected to other people is great! I still have some items to unpack, but its mostly pictures and decor to hang on the walls. I also started a vegetable garden and am just starting to get in some tomatos, squash, and cucumbers despite the fact that my pumpkin plant is creeping into all of them and trying to take them hostage.

So, more recenty....

We've pretty much settled in and had a BBQ at our new place. Turned out pretty well, but I ended up with a TON of leftovers. I blame it on my Italian side - cooking enough food for 3 times the number of people who attended.

Rick has traveled back East twice in the past two weeks. His grandma passed a couple of weekends ago and took a very short (day and a half) and very expensive weekend trip home. Athough he wasn't home long, he needed it since he hadn't been since we moved. After coming back here, he left again 3 days later to spend a week in Maine with his family. I would have loved to go, but couldn't afford it and had nowhere to keep Sierra. Rick comes home late tonight and I can't wait. Its been a lonely weekend and I've definitely missed him! I can't wait to go on vacation together to Disney in October. It will be his first time there.

Only 14 days until I start my horticulture classes at the community college. I'm excited but uneasy at the same time. I'm worried that I won't like it, which just makes me think about how I have no idea what I want to do as a career the rest of my life. Its definitely not HR. I just want to be happy and I have yet to find a job that gives me the happiness that I crave. Since that's where I spend most of my time, its what sets my mood for almost everyday. I'm tired of not being happy with that part of my life leading me to be stressed out and on edge all the time. So, keeping my fingers crossed that this time I'm taking the right path...

Until next time....

Toodles.